This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
