New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
