did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
