I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Damn victory sex feels great
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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