Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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