Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
