**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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