just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize