Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
