AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Randomize
