You're so nebulous sometimes
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
