Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
