She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
