They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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