You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
