I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
We talked him into tasing himself.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
did you just send me my own nude
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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