Since when is my name a synonym for head?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
