just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
