batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize