I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Randomize
