So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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