today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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