just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
50% drunk capacity currently
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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