I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
