the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
