shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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