If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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