I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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