i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
