ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
