would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
