Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
