this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
