even my farts smell like vagina
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
