WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
