Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
