It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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