It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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