the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just found puke in my bra..
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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