You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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