i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
