R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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