Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Oh god it's open bar.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
