Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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