So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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