Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
