You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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