that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
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