Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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