I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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