we're chasing vodka with high fives
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
