he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You almost got us killed.
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