my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
How does one acquire holy water?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
