Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
