she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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