when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
