hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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