I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
