New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
