So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
