Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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