butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
