I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
