I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
sex in a hospital.. check
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
