Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
