my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
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Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
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Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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