I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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