Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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