That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
