I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
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I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
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Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize