I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
