This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
