It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
