he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Sober January is a disaster.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize