I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
