if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
