Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Randomize
