JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
