Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
