why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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