Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
well you can't waste a boner
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
