Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
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