my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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